Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
