I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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