Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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