your room smells of hookers.
And success
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
