I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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