i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
