THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
