Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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