I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
