you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
