I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
