My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
