This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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