and she was petting her beer can
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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