Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
