WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
