lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
