Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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