She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
