would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
