if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
