i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
