Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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