i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
