see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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