Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
