So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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