How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
