the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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