Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
