She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
