I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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