I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
