I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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