his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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