At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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