and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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