Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
