i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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