I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
