the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
