You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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