He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
