Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
