i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You smell like stripper and shame
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
