I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
