He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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