Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
