my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's a Shit stain on my heart
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
