Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
