he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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