im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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