I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
