I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
why is half of my head shaved?
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