Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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