hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
